Who Said That?

"`Automatic' simply means that you can't repair it yourself." - Mary H. Waldrip

"`Contrariwise', continued Tweedledee, `If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic.'" - Lewis Carroll

"`It can't happen here' is Number 1 on the list of famous last words." - David Crosby, rock singer and musician

"A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain." - Mark Twain, American Writer (1835-1910)

"A beautiful woman is the hell of the soul, the purgatory of the purse, and the paradise of the eyes." - Fontenelle

"A blow with a word strikes deeper than a blow with a sword." - Robert Burton, English author and clergyman (1577-1640)

"A book may be compared to the life of your neighbor.  If it be good, it cannot last too long; if bad, you cannot get rid of it too early." - H. Brooke

"A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody has read." - Mark Twain

"A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking." - Arthur Block

"A conference is just an admission that you want somebody to join you in your troubles - Will Rogers

"A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch." - Hermione Gingold, actress-comedienne (1897-1987)

"A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions. " - Wilson Mizner

"A friend is one who warns you." - Near East proverb

"A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author." - G. K. Chesterton

"A great teacher never strives to explain his vision.  He simply invites you to stand beside him and see for yourself." - Reverend R. Inman

"A hospital is no place to be sick." - Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant turned famous movie producer

"A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something." - Frank Capra

"A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer." - Robert Frost

"A large brain, like large government, may not be able to do simple things in a simple way." - Donald O. Hebb

"A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of." - Jane Austin

"A lifetime of happiness!  No man alive could bear it; it would be hell on earth." - George Bernard Shaw

"A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D.  Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B." - "Fats" Domino

"A man can do what he wants, but not want what he wants." - Arthur Schoperhauer

"A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval." - Mark Twain

"A man is a critic when he cannot be an artist, in the same way that a man becomes an informer when he cannot be a soldier." - Gustave Flaubert

"A man is as good as he has to be, and a woman is as bad as she dares." - Elbert Hubbard

"A man lives by believing in something, not by debating and arguing about many things." - Thomas Carlyle

"A man that studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green, which otherwise would heal and do well." - Francis Bacon

"A man who seeks truth and loves it must be reckoned precious to any human society." - Frederick the Great.

"A nation . . . is just a society for hating foreigners." - Olaf Stapledon

"A painting in a museum probably hears more foolish remarks than anything else in the world." - Edmond & Jules Goncourt

"A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way." - John Tudor

"A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic." - Joseph Stalin

"A stitch in time would have confused Einstein." - anonymous

"A truth that's told with bad intent|Beats all the Lies you can invent" - William Blake, English poet, artist (1757-1827)

"A woman, especially if she has the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can." - Jane Austin

"A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke." - Rudyard Kipling

"A young man with good health and a poor appetite can save up money." - James Montgomery Bailey

"Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commision." - Fred Allen, American humorist (1894-1956)

"Advice is like kissing.  It costs nothing and is a pleasant thing to do." - H. W. Shaw

"Advice is seldom welcome; and those who want it the most always like it the least." - Earl of Chesterfield

"All men are equal; it is not birth, but virtue alone, that makes the difference." - Voltaire

"All men naturally desire knowledge." - Aristotle, Greek philospher (384-322)

"All of us could take a lesson from the weather.  It pays no attention to criticism." - unknown

"All progress is based upon a universal innate desire of every organism to live beyond its means." - Samuel Butler

"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure." - Mark Twain

"Always do right.  This will gratify some people and astonish the rest." - Mark Twain

"America did not invent human rights.  In a very real sense, it is the other way around.  Human rights invented America." - Jimmy Carter

"America is a fortunate country.  She grows by the follies of our European nations." - Napoleon

"America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between." - Oscar Wilde

"An artist never really finishes his work, he merely abandons it." - Paul Valéry

"An expert is someone who knows some of the worst mistakes that can be made in his subject and how to avoid them." - Werner Heisenberg

"Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom." - Soren Kierkegaard, Dansish Philospher (1813-1855)

"Any fool can tell the truth, but it requres a man of some sense to know how to lie well." -
 Samuel Butler, English poet and satirist (1612-1680)

"Any smoothly functioning technology will have the appearance of magic." - Arthur C. Clarke

"Any time you have influence, try ordering around someone else's dog." - The Cockle Bur

"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn

"Applause is the spur of noble minds, the end and aim of weak ones." - C. C. Colton

"Art is the lie that makes us realize the truth." - Pablo Picasso

"As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality." - Albert Einstein

"As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take the course he will.  He will be sure to repent." - Socrates

"As you ramble on through life, brother, whatever be your goal: keep you eyes upon the donut, and not upon the hole!" - Quote from Dr. Murray Banks

"Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he is buying." - Fran Lebowitz

"Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you will cease to be so." - John Stewart Mill

"Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation for 'tis better to be alone than in bad company." George Washington

"Astronomy compels the soul to look upward and leads us from this world to another." - Plato

"Baloney is flattery so thick that it can not be true and blarney is flattery so thin that we like it." - Bishop Fulton J. Sheen

"Basic research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing." - Wernher Von Braun.

"Be an optimist--at least until they start moving animals in pairs to Cape Kennedy" - Current Comedy

"Be careful of your thoughts; they may become words at any moment." - Iara Gassen

"Be happy.  It is a way of being wise." - Colette

"Be nice to people on your way up because you'll need them on your way down." - Wilson Mizner

"Be not so bigoted to any custom as to worship it at the expense of Truth." - Johann Georg Von Zimmermann

"Beauty is also to be found in a day's work" - Mamie Sypert Burns

"Being kissed by a man who didn't wax his moustache was like eating an egg without salt." - Rudyard Kipling

"Believe nothing, O monks, merely because you have been told it...or because it is traditional, or because you yourselves have imagined it.  Do not believe what your teacher tells you merely out of respect for the teacher.  But whatsoever, after due examination and analysis, you find to be conducive to the good, the benefit, the welfare of all beings--that doctrine pelieve and cling to, and take it as your guide." - Gautama Buddha, Indian philosopher (536?-483? B.C.)

"Between two evils, I always like to take the one I've never tried before." - Mae West

"Beware of little expenses; a small leak will sink a great ship." - Benjamin Franklin

"Beware of the man who won't be bothered with details." - William Feather, Sr.

"Beyond each corner new directions lie in wait." - Stanislaw Lec

"Books are good enough in their own way, but they are a mighty bloodless substitute for life." - Robert Louis Stevenson

"Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think." - Ambrose Bierce

"Bureaucracy is a giant mechanism operated by pygmies." - Honoré de Balzac

"Character is what you know you are, not what others think you have." - Marva Collins

"Clear writers assume, with a pessimism born of experience, that whatever isn't plainly stated the reader will invariably misconstrue." - John R. Trimble

"Clothes make the man.  Naked people have little or no influence on society." - Mark Twain, American Writer (1835-1910)

"Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum:  I think that I think, therefore I think that I am" - Ambrose Bierce

"College isn't the place to go for ideas." - Hellen Keller

"Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious." - Peter Ustinov

"Common sense is instinct.  Enough of it is Genius." - George Bernard Shaw

"Common-looking people are the best in the world:  that is the reason the lord makes so many of them." - Abraham Lincoln

"Compromise makes a good umbrella but a poor roof; it is a temporary expedient." - James Russel Lowell, American editor (1819-1891)

"Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking." - H. L. Mencken

"Conservative: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others." - Ambrose Bierce, American author (1842-1914)

"Creative minds always have been known to survive any kind of bad training." - Anna Freud

"Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth." - Lillian Hellman

"Death and taxes may always be with us, but death at least doesn't get any worse." - Los Angeles Times Syndicate

"Death meant little to me.  It was the last joke in a series of bad jokes." - Charles Bukowski

"Decay is inherent in all compounded things.  Strive on with diligence." - Buddha's last words

"Discretion is the salt, and fancy the sugar of life; the one preserves, the other sweetens it." - Bovee

"Doctrine is nothing but the skin of truth set up and stuffed." - Beecher

"Don't be afraid to take a big step.  You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps." - David Lloyd George.

"Don't be so humble.  You're not that great." - Golda Meir

"Dost thou love life?  Then do not squander time, for that's the stuff life is made of." - Benjamin Franklin

"Eat to please thyself, but dress to please others." - Benjamin Franklin

"Education makes people easy to lead, but difficult to drive; easy to govern, but impossible to enslave." - Henry Peter Brougham, Scottish statesman and historian (1778-1868)

"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." - Will Rogers

"Everthing human is pathetic.  The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow." - Mark Twain, American Writer (1835-1910)

"Every age is fed on illusions, lest men should renounce life early and the human race come to an end." - Joseph Conrad

"Every child is an artist.  The problem is how to remain an artist after he grows up." - Pablo Picasso

"Every heart that has beat strong and cheerfully has left a hopeful impulse behind it in the world, and bettered the tradition of mankind." - Robert Louis Stevenson

"Every sentence that I utter must be understood not as an affirmation, but as a question." - Niels Bohr, Danish physicist (1885-1962)

"Every successful person has had failures, but repeated failure is no guarantee of eventual success" - anonymous

"Everyone is born with genius, but most people only keep it a few minutes." - Edgard Varese

"Example is not the main thing in influencing others.  It is the only thing." - Albert Schweitzer

"Exclusiveness is a characteristic of recent riches, high society, and the skunk." - O'Malley

"Experience is the hardest kind of teacher.  It gives you the test first, and the lesson afterward." - Anonymous

"Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel." - Ambrose Bierce, American author (1842-1914)

"Fanaticism consists of redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim." -  George Santayana

"Farming looks easy when your plow is a pencil and you're a thousand miles from a cornfield." - Dwight D. Eisenhower

"Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months." - Oscar Wilde, British playwright, poet, and novelist (1854-1900)

"Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own." - Doug Larson

"Figure it out.  Work a lifetime to pay off a house.  You finally own it and there's no one to live in it." - Arthur Miller, "Death of a Salesman"

"For my part, the lonber I live the less I feel the need of any sort of theological belief, and the more I am content to let unseen powers go on their way with me and mine without question or distrust." - John Burroughs, American essayist (1837-1921)

"Frequent punishments are always a sign of weakness or laziness on the part of a government." - Jean Jacques Rousseau

"Genius is an infinite capacity for taking pains." - Jane Hopkins

"Genius is one per cent inspiration and ninety-nine per cent perspiration." - Thomas Alva Edison

"Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please." - Mark Twain

"Girls are like pianos.  When they're not upright, they're grand." - Benny Hill

"Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding." - Abraham Kaplan

"Give me a lever long enought, and a prop strong enough.  I can single handedly move the world." - Archimedes, Greek mathematician (287?-212 B.C)

"Give me the luxuries of life and I will willingly do without the necessities." - Frank Lloyd Wright

"God wisely designed the human body so that we can neither pat our own backs nor kick ourselves too easily." - unknown

"Good judgement comes from experience; and experience, well, that comes from bad judgement." - Anonymous

"Goodness is the only investment that never fails." - Henry David Thoreau

"Great Spirit, help me never to judge another until I have walked in his moccasins for two weeks." - Sioux Indian Prayer

"Half a man's life is devoted to what he calls improvements, yet the original had some quality which is lost in the process." - E. B. White, American author (1899-1985)

"Harmony seldom makes a headline." - Silas Bent, American writer (1882-1945)

"He is happiest who hath power to gather wisdom from a flower." - Mary Howitt

"He is not an honest man who has burned his tongue and does not tell the company that the soup is hot." - Yugoslav proverb

"He is winding the watch of his wit; by and by it will strike." - William Shakespeare

"He that is proud eats up himself; pride is his own glass, his own trumpet, his own chronicle." - William Shakespeare

"He that would perfect his work must first sharpen his tools." - Confucius

"He who hurries cannot walk with dignity." - fortune cookie

"He who is sorry for having sinned is almost innocent." - Seneca

"He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder." - M. C. Escher

"He whose face gives no light shall never become a star." - William Blake, English poet and artist (1757-1827)

"Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads." - Henry David Thoreau

"Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history." - George Bernard Shaw

"Here's to your love, health, and wealth--and time to enjoy each." - Spanish Proverb

"Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people." - W.C. Fields

"How can you expect to govern a country that has two hundred and forty-six kinds of cheese? - Charles de Gaulle

"Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe." - H. G. Wells

"I always say that, next to a battle lost, the greatest misery is a battle gained." - the Duke of Wellington

"I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today." - William Allen White, American journalist (1868-1944)

"I am not sincere, even when I say I am not." - Jules Renard

"I avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep going forward." - Charlotte Bronte, English author (1816-1855)

"I believe that every right implies a responsibility; every opportunity, an obligation; every possession, a duty." - John D. Rockefeller

"I do not fear computers.  I fear the lack of them." - Isaac Asamov.

"I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way." - Mark Twain

"I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem" - Ashleigh Brilliant

"I don't necessarily agree with everything I say." - Marshall McLuhan

"I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead." - Samuel Goldwyn

"I got a simple rule about everybody.  If you don't treat me right, shame on you." - Louis Armstrong, American jazz musician (1900-1971)

"I have long considered it one of god's greatest mercies that the future is hidden from us.  If it were not, life would surely be unbearable." - Eugene Forsey

"I have made mistakes, but have never made the mistake of claiming I never made one." - James G. Bennet

"I have taken more good from alcohol than alcohol has taken from me." - Winston Churchill

"I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!" - Tom Lehrer, Satirist and Professor

"I look forward to an America which will not be afraid of grace and beauty." - John F. Kennedy

"I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it." - Voltaire, French writer and philospher (1694-1778)

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception." - Groucho Marx

"I never put on a pair of shoes until I've worn them at least five years." - Samuel Goldwyn

"I once played a sheriff who thought he could do the job without a gun.  I was dead in twenty-seven minutes of a thirty minute show." - Ronald Reagan

"I predict that exact reproduction through cloning will not become popular.  Too many people already find it difficult to live with themselves." - Jeanne Dixon

"I prefer the errors of enthusiasm to the indifference of wisdom." - Anatole France

"I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability." - Oscar Wilde

"I use not only all the brains I have, but all I can borrow." - Woodrow Wilson

"I will answer anything I can with honor, but not about others." - John Brown, American abolitionist (1800-1859)

"I would rather be attacked than unnoticed.  For the worst thing you can do to an author is to be silent as to his works." - Samuel Johnson

"I wouldn't join any club that would have me as a member." - Groucho Marx

"I'm always fascinated by the way memory diffuses fact." - Diane Sawyer

"I'm an idealist.  I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my  way." - Carl Sandburg

"I'm opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position." - Mark 
Twain

"I'm very critical of the U.S., but get me outside the country and all of a sudden I can't bring myself to say one nasty thing about the U.S." - Saul Alinsky, American political activist (1902-1972)

"I've been trying for some time to develop a life style that doesn't require my presence." - Gary Trudeau

"I've gone into hundreds of (fortune-tellers' parlors), and have been told thousands of things, but nobody ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her." - N. Y. C. detective

"I've never met a healthy person who worried much about his health or a good person who worried much about his soul." - Haldane

"I've often said that my rats have taught me much more than I've taught them." - B. F. Skinner

"If, while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary qualifications, that field's employment is glutted." - Marguerite Emmons

"If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself." - Dorothy Law Nolte.

"If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day weekend." - Doug Larson

"If death did not exist today it would be necessary to invent it." - Count Jean Baptiste Milhoud

"If God had really intended men to fly, he'd make it easier to get to the airport." - George Winters

"If God lived on earth, people would knock out all his windows" - Yiddish saying

"If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive." - Samuel Goldwyn

"If I have seen farther than others, it is because I have stood on the shoulders of giants." - Sir Isaac Newton

"If I were a medical man, I should prescribe a holiday to any patient who considered his work important." - Bertrand Russell

"If poetry comes not as naturally as the leaves to a tree, it better not come at all." - John Keats

"If the aborigine drafted an I.Q. test, all of Western civilization would presumably flunk it." - Stanley Garn

"If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail." - Abraham Maslow

"If there is a gun hanging on the wall in the first act, it must fire in the last." - Anton Chehkov, advice to a novice playwright.

"If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?" - Art Hoppe

"If time be of all things most precious, wasting time must be the greatest prodigality, since lost time is never found again; and what we call time enough always proves little enough." - Benjamin Franklin

"If we make peaceful revolution impossible, we make violent revolution inevitable." - John F. Kennedy

"If we take science as our sole guide, if we accept and hold fast that alone which is verifiable, the old theology must go." - John Burroughs, American essayist (1837-1921)

"If you cannot convince them, confuse them" - Harry S. Truman, U.S. President  (1884-1972)

"If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well dance with it." - George Bernard Shaw

"If you give me six lines written by the most honest man, I will find something in them to hang him." - Cardinal Richelieu

"If you hear a wise sentence or an apt phrase, commit it to your memory." - Sir Henry Sidney

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you.  This is the principle difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain

"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments." - Earl Wilson

"If you think there are no new frontiers, watch a boy ring the front doorbell on his first date." - Olin Miller

"If you want a place in the sun, you've got to expect a few blisters." - Dear Abby

"If you want to make enemies, try to change something." - President Woodrow Wilson (1856-1924)

"If you're strong enough, there are no precedents." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

"Imagination, not invention, is the supreme master of art as of life." - Joseph Conrad, Polish-born author (1857-1924)

"Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein

"In a painting I want to say something comforting." - Vincent van Gogh

"In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children." -  Robert Benchley

"In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary, 'patriotism' is defined as the last resort of the scoundrel.  With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer, I beg to submit that it is the first." - Ambrose Bierce, American writer

"In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language." - Mark Twain

"In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart." - Anne Frank

"In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true or becomes true." - John Lilly

"In these matters the only certainty is that nothing is certain." - Pliny the Elder

"In this world, nothing can be said to be certain except death and taxes." - Benjamin Franklin

"Inflation is when the buck doesn't stop anywhere." - Orben's Current Commedy

"Inform all the troops that communications have completely broken down." - Ashleigh 
Brilliant

"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Iron rusts from disuse, stagnant water loses its purity, and in cold weather becomes frozen, even so does inaction sap the vigors of the mind." - Leonardo Da Vinci

"Is there life before death?" - Belfast Graffito

"Isn't it strange?  The same people who laugh at gypsy fortune-tellers take economists seriously." - anonymous

"It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when it is thrust into the affairs of another, from which some physiologists have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell" - Ambrose Bierce, American writer

"It is always brave to say what everyone thinks." - Georges Duhamel, French author (1884-1966)

"It is always easier to beleive than to deny.  Our minds are naturally affirmative." - John Burroughs, American essayist (1837-1921)

"It is bad luck to be superstitious" - Andrew W. Mathis

"It is better to remain silent and thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." - Anonymous

"It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of god." - Matthew 19:24

"It is easier to fight for principles than to live up to them." - Alfred Adler, Father of individual psychology (1870-1937)

"It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune." - Woody Allen

"It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so ingenious" - anonymous

"It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable,  as one's hat keeps blowing off." - Woody Allen

"It is neither wealth nor splendor, but tranquility and occupation, that gives happiness." - Thomas Jefferson

"It is not necessary for the public to know whether I am joking or whether I am serious, just as it is not necessary for me to know it myself." - Salvador Dali

"It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them." - Pierre Augustin Caron de Beaumarchais, French author-dramatist (1732-1799)

"It is not what we do, but also what we do not do, for which we are accountable." - Moliere

"It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of leading causes of statistics." - Fletcher Knebel

"It is odd, is it not, that a person's worth to society by is measured by their wealth, when instead their wealth should be measured by their worth to society." - A. Cygni

"It is people who live by the rules that are always hoping to get them changed." - Robert Harbison

"It is perfectly true that the government is best which govern least.  It is equally true that the government is best which provides most." - Walter Lippmann

"It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others." - John Andrew Holmes

"It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship god but to create him." - Arthur C. Clarke

"It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech." - Mark Twain, American Writer (1835-1910)

"It was a blonde.  A blonde to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained glass window." - Raymond Chandler, "Farewell, my lovely."

"It was always thus; and even if 'twere not, 'twould inevitably have been always thus." - Dean Lattimer

"It would be as useless to perceive how things 'actually look' as it would be to watch the random dots on untuned television screens." - Marvin Minsky

"It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it." - Steven Wright

"It's not easy taking my problems one at a time when they refuse to get in line." - Ashleigh Brilliant

"It's not the things we don't know that get us into trouble; it's the things we do know that aint so." - Will Rogers

"It's not true that nice guys finish last.  Nice guys are winners before the game even starts." - Addison Walker

"It's said that pigeons are the smartest people around; they're always getting the drop on the rest of us." - Anonymous

"Journalists are like whores; as high as their ideals may be, they still have to resort to tricks to make money." - A. Cygni

"Just the omission of Jane Austen's books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it." - Mark Twain

"Justice is incidental to law and order." - J. Edgar Hoover

"Keep a stiff upper chin." - Samuel Goldwyn

"Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects." - Anonymous

"Learning music by reading about it is like making love by mail." - Luciano Pavarotti

"Less than fifteen per cent of the people do any original thinking on any subject.... The greatest torture in the world for most people is to think." - Luther Burbank, American horticulturist (1849-1926)

"Let everyone sweep in front of his own door, and the whole world will be clean." - Göthe

"Let us so endeavor to live, that when we come to die, even the undertaker will be sorry." - Mark Twain.

"Let's have some new cliches." - Samuel Goldwyn

"Life is an unbroken succession of false situations." - Thornton Wilder, American playwright (1897-1975)

"Logic is a system whereby one may go wrong with confidence." - Charles Kettering

"Love cures people; both the ones who give it, and the ones who receive it." - Dr. Karl Menninger

"Love your neighbors, but don't pull down the fence." - Chinese proverb.

"Luck can't last a lifetime unless you die young." - Russell Banks

"Make things as simple as possible, but no simpler." - Albert Einstein

"Man is a credulous animal and must believe something.  In the absence of good grounds for belief, he will be satisfied with bad ones." - Bertrand Russel, British philosopher (1872-1970)

"Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason." - Oscar Wilde, British playwright, poet, and novelist (1854-1900)

"Man is an infant, with the toys of a child, and delusions of adulthood." - A. Cygni, Philosopher

"Man is only happy as he finds a work worth doing, and does it well." - E. Merrill Root

"Man is the only animal that blushes... or needs to." - Mark Twain, American Writer (1835-1910)

"Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on." - Winston Churchill, British statesman and writer (1874-1965)

"Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet." - Mae West.

"Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly." - Voltaire, French writer and philospher (1694-1778)

"Maybe this world is another planet's hell." - Aldous Huxley

"Men don't change.  The only thing new in the world is the history you don't know." - President Harry S. Truman (1884-1972)

"Men like to pursue an elusive woman like a cake of wet soap - even men who hate baths." - Gelett Burgess

"Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms." - Groucho Marx

"Miracles happen to those who beleive in them.  Otherwise why does not the Virgin Mary 
appear to Lamaists, Mohammedans, or Hindus who have never heard of her." - Bernard Berenson, American art authority (1865-1959)

"Moderation is a fatal thing.  Nothing succeeds like excess." - Oscar Wilde

"Money is like an arm or leg: use it or lose it." - Henry Ford

"Money may be the husk of many things, but not the kernel.  It buys you food, but not appetite; medicine, but not health; acquaintances, but not friends; servants, but not loyalty; days of joy, but not peace or happiness." - Henrik Ibsen

"Most of the evils of life arise from man's being unable to sit still in a room." - Blaise Pascal

"My husband gave me a permanent wave, and now he's gone." - Dawn Messer

"My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot." - Ashleigh Brilliant

"My notion of a wife at forty is that a man should be able to change her, like a bank note, for two twenties." - Douglas Jerrold

"My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind." - Albert Einstein

"Never could any increase of comfort or security be a sufficient good to be bought at the price of liberty." - Hilaire Belloc

"Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river." - Cordel Hull

"Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs painting." - Billy Rose

"Never mistake knowledge for wisdom.  One helps you make a living; the other helps you make a life." - Sandra Carey

"Never tell people how to do things.  Tell them what to do, and they will suprise you with their ingenuity." - General George S Patton, Jr.

"No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church-door; but 'tis enough, 'twill serve...." - Mercutio, Romeo & Juliet, Act III, scene I, William Shakespeare

"No affectation of peculiarity can conceal a commonplace mind." - W. Somerset Maugham

"No great advance has ever been made in science, politics, or religion, without controversy." - Lyman Beecher, American clergyman (1775-1863)

"No great scoundrel is ever uninteresting." - Murray Kempton

"No man can be a patriot on an empty stomach." - William Cowper, English poet (1731-1800)

"No man remains quite what he was when he recognizes himself." - Thomas Mann, German author (1875-1955)

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt

"No one has ever bet enough on a winning horse." - Richard Sasuly

"No one really knows enough to be a pessimist." - Norman Cousins

"Nonchalance is the ability to remain down to earth when everything else is up in the air." - Earl Wilson

"Nostalgia is the realization that things weren't as unbearable as they seemed at the time" - Anonymous.

"Not to be able to bear poverty is a shameful thing, but not to know how to chase it away by work is a more shameful thing yet." - Pericles

"Nothing can bring you peace but yourself." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Nothing is more intolerable than to have to admit to yourself your own errors." - Beethoven

"Nothing is so easy as to deceive one's self; for what we wish, that we readily believe." - Demosthenes, Athenian orator and statesman (385?-322 B.C.)

"Nothing so needs reforming as other peoples' habits." - Mark Twain

"Often it is fatal to live too long. " - Racine

"Often you must turn your stylus to erase, if you hope to write anything worth a second reading." - Horace

"One disadvantage of having nothing to do is you can't stop and rest." - Franklin P. Jones

"One martini is alright, two is too many, three is not enough." - James Thurber, American humorist (1894-1961)

"One of the few rules of Evolution is that extreme specialization results in eventual extinction." - Hardin

"One should never make one's debut in a scandal.  One should reserve that to  give interest to one's old age." - Oscar Wilde

"One thing the world needs is popular government at popular prices." - George Barker

"One way to prevent conversation from being boring is to say the wrong thing." - Frank Sheed

"Opinion says hot and cold, but the reality is atoms and emty space." - Democritus, Greek 
philosopher (460?-370? B.C.)

"Our bodies are our gardens, to which our wills are gardeners." - William Shakespeare

"Our existence is but a brief crack of light between two eternities of darkness." - Vladimir
 Nabokov

"Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power.  We have guided missiles and misguided men." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Over and over again mediocrity is promoted because real worth isn't to be found." - Kathleen Norris, American author (1880-1960)

"Patriotism is a lively sense of collective responsibility.  Nationalism is a silly cock crowing on his own dunghill." - Richard Aldington, English poet, novelist, critic (1892-1962)

"Peace cannot be kept by force.  It can only be achieved by understanding" - Albert Einstein

"Peace may cost as much as war, but it is a better buy." - Anonymous

"Pedestrians never seem to realize that they are a threat to the safety of cars." - Thomas Sowell

"People who feel well are sick people neglecting themselves." - Jules Romains

"People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that 
they really don't want it." - Ogden Nash, American humorist and poet (1902-1971)

"People who never get carried away should be." - Malcolm S. Forbes, American publisher.

"People will sleep better not knowing how their sausage and politics are made." - Bismarck

"Perfection, then, is finally achieved, not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away." - Antoine de St. Exupéry

"Pessimists have already begun to worry about what is going to replace automation." - John Tudor

"Politicians are the same all over.  They promise to build bridges even where there are no rivers." - Nikita Khrushchev

"Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories." - Arthur C. Clarke

"Politics is not the art of the possible.  It consists of choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable." - John Kenneth Galbraith

"Poverty in a democracy is as much to be preferred to what is called prosperity under despots, as freedom is to slavery." - Democritus, Greek philosopher (460?-370? B.C.)

"Poverty often deprives a man of all spirit and virtue.  It is hard for an empty bag to stand upright." - Benjamin Franklin

"Prejudice is the reason of fools." - Voltaire

"Probably all laws are useless; for good men do not want laws at all, and bad men are made no better by them" - Demonax (c 150 A.D.)

"Proverbs are mental gems gathered in the diamond districts of the mind." - W. R. Alger

"Put more trust in nobility of character than in an oath." - Solon

"Rainbows apologize for angry skies." - Sylvia A. Viorol

"Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance." - Confucius

"Real love stories never have endings." - Richard Bach

"Really, we create nothing.  We merely plagiarize nature." - Jean Baitaillon

"Remember: the average is as close to the bottom as it is to the top." - Anonymous

"Research is to see what everybody else has seen, and to think what nobody else has thought." - Albert Szent-Gyorgyi

"Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under the trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time" - Sir J. Lubbock

"Resting on one's laurels makes for an uncomfortable bed, and only crushes the laurels." - A. Cygni, Philospher

"Rich men without convictions are more dangerous in modern society than poor women without chastity." - George Bernard Shaw

"Rivers in the United States are so polluted that acid rain makes them cleaner." - Andrew Malcolm

"Say what you will about the ten commandments; you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them." - H. L. Mencken

"Scripture teaches us to be as wise as serpents and as harmless as doves.  All too often, [we] are as wise as doves and as harmless as serpents." - Moishe Rosen

"Seeing consists of the grasping of structural features rather than the indiscriminate recording of detail." - Rudolf Arnheim

"Serendipity is looking in a haystack for a needle and discovering the Farmer's Daughter." - Julius H. Comroe.

"Since a politician never believes what he says, he is surprised when others believe him." - Charles de Gaulle

"Sleep is conducive to beauty.  Even velvet looks worn when it loses its nap." - Joan L. Zielin

"Smart is when you believe only half of what you hear. Brilliant is when you know which half to believe." - Orben's Current Comedy

"So far, I haven't heard of anybody who wants to stop living on account of the cost." - Kin Hubbard

"Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run." - Mark Twain

"Some painters transform the sun into a yellow spot; others transform a yellow spot into the sun." - Pablo Picasso

"Some people regard discipline as a chore.  For me, it is a kind of order that sets me free to fly." - Julie Andrews

"Some people strengthen the society just by being the kind of people they are." - John W. Gardner

"Some people want to achieve immortality through their works or their descendants.  I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying." - Woody Allen.

"Space isn't remote at all.  It's only an hour's drive away if your car could go straight upwards." - Fred Hoyle

"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret." - Ambrose Bierce

"Suicide is cheating the doctors out of a job." - Billings

"Take care to get what you like, or you will be forced to like what you get." - George Bernard Shaw

"Take from me the hope that I can change the future and you will send me mad." - Israel Zangwill

"Take time to deliberate; but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and go in." - Andrew Jackson.

"Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal." - Albert Einstein

"Tell the truth and run." - Yugoslav proverb

"The alphabet will create forgetfulness in the learners' souls.  They will trust the written characters and not remember themselves." - Socrates

"The Americans have need of the telephone, but we do not.  We have plenty of messenger boys." - Sir William Preece, chief engineer of the British Post Office, 1876

"The art of acting consists of keeping people from coughing." - Sir Ralph Richardson

"The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease." - Voltaire

"The author of the Iliad is either Homer or, if not Homer, somebody else of the same name." - Aldous Huxley

"The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think" - anonymous

"The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return.  It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale." - Arthur C. Clarke

"The best way to become acquainted with a subject is to write a book about it." - Benjamin Disraeli

"The bible shows the way to go to heaven, not the way the heavens go." - Galileo

"The brain is a wonderful organ.  It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office." - Robert Frost

"The budget should be balanced, the treasury refilled, public debt reduced, the arrogance of officialdom tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands curtailed, lest Rome become bankrupt." - Cicero, Roman statesman (106 B.C.-43 B.C.)

"The coward regards himself as cautious; the miser, as thrifty." - Publilius Syrus

"The crowd will follow a leader who marches twenty steps in advance; but if he is a thousand steps in front of them, they do not see and do not follow him, and any literary freebooter who chooses may shoot him with impunity." - Georg Brandes, Danish literary critic (1842-1927)

"The despot, be assured, lives night and day like one condemned to death by the whole of mankind for his wickedness." - Xenophon

"The difference between a rich man and a poor man is this: the former eats when he pleases, the latter when he can get it." - Sir Walter Raleigh

"The dogs bark, but the caravan passes." - Near East proverb

"The English certainly and fiercely pride themselves in never praising themselves." - Wyndham Lewis

"The fault lies not with our technologies but with our systems." - Roger Levian

"The fewer the facts, the stronger the opinion." - Arnold H. Glascow

"The fickleness of the women I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy of women who love me." - George Bernard shaw

"The first condition of immortality is death." - Stanislaw Lec

"The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." - Shakespeare: Henry VI, Part 2, act ii

"The fixity of a habit is generally in direct proportion to it's absurdity." - Proust

"The flush toilet is the basis of western civilization." - Alan Coult

"The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only more expensive." - John Sladek

"The genius, wit, and spirit of a nation are discovered by their proverbs." - Francis Bacon

"The gods are dead, but in their name|Humanity is sold to shame,|While (then as now!) the tinsel'd Priest|Sitteth with robbers at the feast,|Blesses the laden blood-stain'd board,|Weaves garlands round the buther's sword,|And poureth freely (now as then)|The sacramental blood of Men!" - Robert Buchanan, Scottish poet, novelist, and playwright (1841-1901)

"The good Lord set definite limits on man's wisdom, but set no limits on his stupidity--and that's just not fair!" - Konrad Adenauer, Chancellor of Germany

"The great artist is the simplifier." - Henri Frédéric Amiel, Swiss poet, philosopher (1821-1881)

"The greatest use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it." - William James

"The greatness of a man can nearly always be measured by his willingness to be kind." - G. Young

"The highest happiness of man is to have probed what is knowable and quietly to revere what is unknowable."

"The Kingdom of Heaven is not a place, but a state of mind." - John Burroughs, American essayist (1837-1921)

"The ladder of life is full of splinters, but they always prick hardest when you're sliding down." - William Brownell

"The law is not an end in itself, nor does it provide ends.  It is preeminently a means to serve what we think is right." - William J. Brennan, Jr., U.S. Supreme Court justice (1906-)

"The man who, in a fit of melancholy, kills himself today, would have wished to live had he waited a week." - Voltaire

"The man who has nothing to boast of but his ancestry is like a potato.  The only good belonging to him is underground." - Sir Thomas Overbury

"The meek shall inherit the earth, but not the mineral rights." - J. Paul Getty

"The middle class is always a firm champion of equality when it concerns a class above it; but it is its inveterate foe when it concerns elevating a class below it." - Orestes A. Brownson

"The mistake you make is in trying to figure it out." - Tennessee Williams

"The more the pleasures of the body fade away, the greater to me is the pleasure and charm of conversation." - Plato

"The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother." - Reverend Hesburgh

"The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible." - Albert Einstein.

"The most merciful thing in the world is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents." - H. P. Lovecraft

"The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom." - H. L. Mencken

"The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth." - Niels Bohr

"The polar ice cap is melting and all you can do is look at reruns of Barney Miller?" - 'What A Guy', by Bill Hoest

"The pyramids will not last a moment compared with the daisy." - D. H. Laurence

"The reason people blame things on previous generations is that there is only one other choice." - Doug Larson

"The religion of one seems madness unto another." - Thomas Browne, English physician, writer (1605-1682)

"The scientist is a lover of truth for the very love of truth itself, wherever it may lead." - Luther Burbank, American horticulturist (1849-1926)

"The shortest distance between two points is under construction" - Noelie Altito

"The Show-off is always shown up in a showdown." - fortune cookie.

"The smallest fact is a window through which the infinite may be seen." - Aldous Huxley

"The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be." - Paul Valéry

"The trouble with the profit system has always been that it was highly unprofitable to most people." - E. B. White

"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat." - Lily Tomlin

"The true artist will let his wife starve, his children go barefoot, his mother drudge for his living at seventy, sooner than work at anything by his art." - George Bernard Shaw

"The two most important tools an architect has are the eraser in the drawing room and the sledge hammer on the construction site." - Frank Lloyd Wright

"The universe is looking less and less like a great machine and more and more like a great thought." - Ortega y Gasset

"The unnatural, that too is natural." - Göthe

"The wisdom of man never yet contrived a system of taxation that operates with perfect equality." - Andrew Jackson

"The world has achieved brilliance without conscience.  Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants." - Omar N. Bradley, American general (1893-1981)

"The world holds two classes of men--intelligent men without religion, and religious men without intelligence" - Abu'l-Ala-Al-Ma'arri, Syrian Poet (973-1057)

"The world stands aside to let anyone pass who know where he is going." - David Starr Jordan

"The worst of madmen is a saint run mad." - Alexander Pope

"There are four kinds of homocide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy." - Ambrose Bierce

"There are no friends at cards or world politics." - F. P. Dunne

"There are no second acts in American lives." - F. Scott Fitzgerald, American Author (1896-1940)

"There are thousands hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root." - Thoreau

"There are trivial truths and the great truths.  The opposite of a trivial truth is plainly false.  The opposite of a great truth is also true." - Niels Bohr, Danish physicist (1885-1962)

"There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything; both ways save us from thinking." - Alfred Korzybski

"There is a capacity of virtue in us, and there is a capacity of vice to make your blood creep." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"There is as much dignity in tilling a field as in writing a poem." - Booker T. Washington

"There is no country and no people who can look forward to the age of leisure and abundance without dread." - John Maynard Keynes, English economist (1883-1946)

"There is nothing new under the sun, but there are lots of old things we don't know." - Ambrose Bierce

"There is nothing to writing.  All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein." - Red Smith

"There is only one difference between a madman and me. I am not mad." - Salvador Dali

"There is something fascinating about science.  One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact." - Mark Twain, American Writer (1835-1910)

"There was never a good war or a bad peace." - Benjamin Franklin

"There's a fine line between genius and insanity.  I have erased this line - Oscar Levant

"There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house." - Joe Ryan

"They always say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." - Andy Warhol, American pop artist (1928-1987)

"Things are more like they are now than they ever were before." - Dwight D. Eisenhower

"Thirty-five is a very attractive age.  London's society is full of women who have of their free choice remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde

"This world is comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel." -  Horace Walpole

"Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night." - Edgar Allan Poe

"Those who voluntarily put power into the hands of a tyrant or an enemy, must not wonder if it be at last turned against themselves." - Aesop, Greek fabulist (620-560 B.C.)

"Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up." - Wilson Mizner

"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it within us or we will find it not." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Three things are necessary for the salvation of man: to know what he ought to believe; to know what he ought to desire; and to know what he ought to do." - Thomas Aquinas, Italian theolgian (1255-1274)

"Throw a lucky man in the sea, and he will come up with a fish in his mouth." - Arab proverb

"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils." - Hector Berlioz

"Time is what we want most, but alas, what we use worst." - William Penn

"Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles." - Frank Lloyd Wright

"To be seen is the ambition of ghosts, and to be remembered is the ambition of the dead." - Norman O. Brown

"To define a thing is to substitute the definition for the thing itself." - Georges Braque, French artist (1882-1963)

"To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer." - anonymous

"To generalize is to be an idiot." - William Blake, English poet, artist (1757-1827)

"To sin by silence when they should protest makes cowards out of men." - Abraham Lincoln

"To tyrants, indeed, and bad rulers, the progress of knowledge among the mass of mankind is a just object of terror; it is fatal to them and their designs." - Henry Peter Brougham, Scottish statesman and historian (1778-1868)

"Too much of a good thing is wonderful." - Mae West.

"Trapped, like a trap in a trap." - Dorothy Parker

"Truth above all, even when it upsets and overwhelms us." - Henri Frédéric Amiel, Swiss poet, philosopher (1821-1881)

"Truth as a way of shifting under pressure." - Curtis Bok, U. S. federal judge (1897-1962)

"Try not to become a man of success, but rather, try to become a man of value." - Albert Einstein.

"Two and two continue to make four, in spite of the whine of the amateur for three, or the cry of the critic for five." - Jame McNeil Whistler

"Universities are designed for the convenience of the faculty, not for the convenience of the students." - Adam Smith

"Unless a man feels he has a good memory, he should never venture to lie." - Montaigne

"Up is, by definition, the direction which broadens horizons." - A. Cygni

"Use your health, even to the point of wearing it out.  That is what it is for.  Spend all you have before you die; and do not outlive yourself." - George Bernard Shaw

"Using words to describe magic is like using a screwdriver to cut roast beef." - Tom Robbins

"Virtue is like a rich stone, best plain set." - Francis Bacon

"War is just when it is necessary; arms are permissible when there is no hope except in arms." - Machiavelli

"Washington is a city of southern efficiency and northern charm." - John F. Kennedy

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." - Oscar Wilde

"We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems." - John W. Gardner

"We are what we pretend to be." -  Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

"We didn't inherit the land from our fathers.  We are borrowing it from our children." - Amish belief

"We don't look for truths, just excuses." - A. Cygni

"We forgive once we give up attachment to our wounds." - Lewis Hyde

"We have all passed a lot of water since then." - Samuel Goldwyn

"We have grasped the mystery of the atom and rejected the Sermon on the Mount." - Omar N. Bradley, American general (1893-1981)

"We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it that to consume wealth without producing it." - George Bernard Shaw.

"We have really everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language." - Oscar Wilde

"We hold these truths to be self-evident: all men could be cremated equal." - Vern Parlow

"We must unterpret a bad temper as a sign of inferiority." - Alfred Adler, Father of individual psychology (1870-1937)

"We seem to believe it is possible to ward off death by following rules of good grooming." - Don Delillo

"We should distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes." - Henry David Thoreau

"We think in generalities, but we live in detail." - Alfred North Whitehead, British philospher (1861-1947)

"Weep not that the world changes--did it keep a stable, changeless state, it were cause indeed to weep." - William Cullen Bryant, American poet and editor (1794-1878)

"What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight; it's the size of the fight in the dog." - Dwight D. Eisenhower

"What governs men is fear of truth." - Henri Frédéric Amiel, Swiss poet, philosopher (1821-1881)

"What time hath scanted men in hair, he hath given them in wit." - William Shakespeare

"What you get is a living; what you give is a life." - Lilian Gish, American actress

"What's a thousand dollars?  mere chicken feed.  A `poultry' matter." - Groucho Marx

"When a dog bites a man, that's not news because it happens so often.  But if a man bites a dog, that is news." - John Bogart, American journalist (1845-1921)

"When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: `whose?' - Don Marquis

"When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth." - George Bernard Shaw

"When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign; that the dunces are all in confederacy against him." - Jonathan Swift

"When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred." - Thomas Jefferson

"When I was a kid, my parents told me what to do.  When I went to school, my teachers told me what to do.  Now I'm married, and my husband tells me what to do.  I'm not going to use a computer and let it tell me what to do." - Anonymous

"When I'm good I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad I'm better." - Mae West

"When large numbers of men are unable to find work, unemployment results." - Calvin Coolidge

"When one has good health it is not serious to be ill." - Francis Blanche

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." - Hunter S. Thompson, American journalist.

"When the man who knows all about the fruit fly chromosomes finds himself sitting next to an authority on Beowulf, there may be an uneasy silence." - Brand Blanshard

"When things go wrong, don't go with them." - Anonymous

"When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut" - anonymous

"When you return to your boyhood town, you find it wasn't the town you longed for.  It was your boyhood." - Earl Wilson

"When you're through changing, you're through." - Bruce Barton

"Whenever I hear the word culture, I reach for my revolver." - Hermann Goring

"While forbidden fruit is said to taste sweeter, it usually spoils faster." - Abigail van Buren

"White hair is not a sign of wisdom, only age" - Greek proverb

"Whoever tells the truth is chased out of nine villages." - Turkish proverb

"Whoso diggeth a pit shall fall therein." - Paraphrasing the Book of Proverbs

"Why doesn't the fellow who says, 'I'm no speech maker', let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration?" - Kin Hubbard

"Why is it that we rejoice at a wedding and cry at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved." - Mark Twain

"Why is this thus?  What is the reason for this thusness?" - Artemus Ward

"Why not go out on a limb?  Isn't that where the fruit is?" - Frank Scully

"Wickedness is always easier than virtue; for it takes the short cut to everything." - Samuel Johnson

"Wir sind gewöhnt daß Leute verhöhnen was sie nicht versthehen." (We are aware that people will scoff what they do not understand) - unknown

"With the monstrous weapons man already has, humanity is in danger of being trapped in this world by it's moral adolescents." - Omar N. Bradley, American general (1893-1981)

"Woman is like a teabag; you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water." - First Lady Nancy Reagan

"Wonder rather than doubt is the root of knowledge." - Abraham Joshua Heschel

"Words can sometimes, in moments of grace, attain the quality of deeds." - Elie Wiesel

"Words wound.  But as a veteran of twelve years in the united states senate, I happily attest that they do not kill." - Lyndon Johnson.

"Work to become, not to acquire." - Confucius

"Working as a journalist is exactly like being a wallflower at an orgy." - Nora Ephron

"Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down." - Robert Frost

"You can observe a lot just by watchin'." - Yogi Berra

"You can tell the size of a man by the size of the thing that makes him mad." - Adali Stevenson

"You can't have everything.  Where would you put it? - Steven Wright

"You can't say civilizations don't advance . . . in every war they kill you in a new way." - Will Rogers

"You simply cannot understand psychedelic drugs, which activate the brain, unless you understand something about computers." - Timothy Leary

"You've no idea of what a poor opinion I have of myself, and how little I deserve it." - W.S. Gilbert

"Young men are apt to think themselves wise enough, as drunken men are to think themselves sober enough." - Earl of Chesterfield

"Young men are fitter to invent than to judge, fitter for execution than for counsel, fitter for new projects than settled business." - Francis Bacon

Christianity: All things whatsoever ye would that men do to you, do ye even so to them.|Judaism: What is hateful to you do not to your fellowmen.|Brahmanism: Do naught unto others which would cause you pain if done to you|Buddhism: Hurt not others in ways that you would find hurtful.|Confucianism: Surely it is the maxim of loving-kindness: Do not unto others that you would not have them do unto you.|Taoism: Regard your neighbor's gain as your own gain, and your neighbor's loss as your own loss.|Zoroastrianism: That nature alone is good which refrains from doing unto another whatsoever is not good for itself.|Islam: No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother what which he desires for himself. - The Golden Rule

Glendower: "I can call the spirits from the vasty deep."||Hotspur: "Why, so can I, or so can any man; But will they come when you do call for them?"| - William Shakespeare: Henry IV, Part I, act iii, scene i