It was a horrible phrase to hear. At 44 years of age my
sister decided to take her own life. She had 2 sons, a husband, a good job, nice car,
and a beautiful home. Things people around the world dream of having. The things that
in other countries some people kill for.Yet this wasn’t enough for her. She had visited a
clinical psychologist, and was prescribed drugs for depression.Her appearance had suffered
due to a growth. Maybe her relationship with her husband was strained. Perhaps her
work was putting to much strain on her. In the end, the drugs and professional
“help” accomplished nothing. She was still despondent enough to take her own
life. At an early age my sister had developed an addiction to cocaine. She
found horrible stumbling blocks to getting help for her condition. Hospitals
wanted money, treatment facilities wanted money, and AA stylehelp seemed
to embarrassing. One day she called me, and asked for my help. It was a good day for
me. You see I am an alcoholic. Not something one likes to admit to others. Not
something that I chose. Just something that life threw at me and I was forced to deal
with. I had a life of 10 years that was maddeningly unpredictable, dangerous, and
hurtful to others. I woke up one morning, looked in the mirror with the most god-
awful hangover and bleeding gums, and knew this would change.That it would change
that day. And I did make it change. I decided at that moment that I wanted to live. I
wanted to be happy. I wanted to live a life of 50+ years and be able to say to my
maker at the end, I did my best. I was happy that my sister had called me
because I knew in my heart that if I could give up alcohol that I could help her get
off of cocaine. I succeeded. She stayed away from the drug for 20 years as far as I
know. Both of us had used a drug to escape the problems of reality. Both of us were
addicted. Both of us recovered. Only one of us is here today. She never called me.
She never asked for my help again. She never gave me a second chance.She never let me
go deeper into why life even with all of its pain can be filled with
joy.
So I will try to help someone else who is
despondent. I will try to reach one person who is thinking of taking their own life, and
change their mind. I am writing this ebook in memory of Kimberly Anne Graefen,
so that something good might come from the tragedy of
her death.
America prides itself on its availability of material
goods, nice cars, and beautiful
homes, buildings that reach for the sky. We
have the finest medical care, the best
laboratories, the largest farms and
factories.What we don’t have is the sense to
realize that all of the material goods on
earth cannot make someone happy,
if they don’t find happiness from within
themselves first. People are not dogs or
cows. A place in the shade and water are not
enough to fill an intelligent mind
with contentment. A fast car though exhilarating to
drive will not fill a human soul
with peace and contentment. Wealthy individuals
who have not come too spiritual
awaking kill themselves everyday. They have
bought the big TV lie. The more I
have the happier I will be. This is crap. It has been
crap since the beginning of time.
And it will always be crap.
Work can be a creative
endeavor, which provides mental stimulation,
social contact, material conveyance, and personal
satisfaction. At its worst it is
enforced slavery, boring, unenlighting, socially
negligent, unstimulating,
time wasting, drudgery. The concept that work in
and of itself is a noble thing,
is misguided. Certainly we all need to eat and
have things. But does that guy
who washes your car every weekend really like his
life? Do you care? If not
maybe you should. If you did care and he found a
job that was fulfilling you
might have prevented his wife from becoming a
widow. And you would get
some exercise washing your own
car.
Successful living
requires the personal ability to say no. No I won’t work
overtime this weekend my church is having a
dinner. No my wife and I have
plans for the movies. No my kids football game is
this Saturday and I wouldn’t
miss it for anything. No I don’t need a bigger
house, a better car, a new washer,
the ones I have are fine. No I won’t work harder,
faster, or more expediently
just because your pocket book depends on my
performance. I won’t because
my life matters to me. I won’t because other
people need or want me around
and they help make my life fulfilled and full of
joy. No I won’t work this
weekend because I am writing a book, something
I’ve wanted to do for a very
long time. Something I need to do to feel whole.
I am not just a work machine.
The point is that people need
to feel that they are vital components of a
society that appreciates them for who and what they
are. Not just because they
work, but for what they think, feel, say and do.
Go beyond work, look for the
inner key to what am I, who am I, and do I like
what I am.
My rules for staying happy and
contented
I choose work that I want to do, if it doesn’t make me
rich oh well.
I don’t buy things with the expectation that they alone
will make me happier.
Actually every time I buy something I figure it will
break or wear out.
So I decide do I really need this? Or I think will this
devise make my life
better or worse.
I look past other people’s evaluation of me as an
individual. I don’t care if they
think I’m the best, the greatest, or the best looking,
or the snappiest dresser.
I like me for who and what I am. Inwardly what they
think doesn’t really
matter. What matters is what I think of myself. If they
choose to criticize
me I respond, who do you think you are? If I don’t like
who I am-Change it!
I look for excitement in life from learning something
new, all the time.
A person I know once told my sons how lucky he was
because he didn’t
have to learn anymore. I thought how awfully sad. Learn
something new
every day; it makes life unique and exciting. Route
learning because you
”have to” is boring. Learning something “you want to
know” is a joy.
Never pass up a chance to challenge yourself. Life can
be boring; a real
challenge can alleviate that.
Don’t be a TV couch potato. Television is a nice
occasional diversion.
A steady diet of TV and movies is a prescription for
negative self-esteem.
Take a walk, Go fishing, write a novel, learn to use a
computer, if you
know that already then use it! Find joy and
entertainment and
self-fulfillment by doing not watching others
do.
Learn the joy of the creative process. I can’t draw, I
can’t write,
I can’t take pictures, these are excuses based on other
peoples evaluation
of our output. In school everyday as children we have
been told Johnny
gets an A you get a D-Johnnies work is better than
yours. The innate
reaction is, if my work is so crappy than I won’t do it
anymore.
The Joy has been lost. The fun has been extinguished by
a society that
is so competitive that it can actually kill individual
initiative.
A woman I know did what I felt was some great drawing
and painting.
It was child like in its simplicity. It had good color
balance and made
me feel happy. I requested some of her drawings to
publish on the Internet
Her reply was, most people think I draw like a child
and I would be to
embarrassed. Her husbands reply was, she draws like a
little kid and she’s
to busy taking care of me to mess with that nonsense. I
was dismayed.
A fine artist was squashed because of narrow minded and
competitive
thinking. Create for its own sake. If other people
don’t like what you do,
don’t show it to them. Look at it in private and take
satisfaction in it for
its own worth to you. And maybe with enough practice
one day they’ll
dig your work out of a buried suitcase, 100 years from
now it will hang
somewhere in a museum.
Never say I can’t do that-unless you are positive. So
many people give up
on things before they even try. Oh I could never do
that, or my work always
looks crummy. Work or effort does not have to be
perfect to have a
satisfactory result. In our off the assembly line world
those things are perfect,
but the joy of craftsmanship and originality are gone.
Yes there is always
someone else who could do it better than you can. But
if you allow them
to do it for you, you miss the opportunity for the
personal satisfaction of having
the experience. Experiences are what make our lives
what they are.
Give them to someone else and what do “you” have. If
the end result
is truly unsatisfactory then go buy it or pay someone.
But at least give
it a shot.
Find a Spiritual Foundation: The true scientist, the
atheist, the person who
looks toward nothing, faces a life of self-
gratification only. When one
closes their mind towards the infinite possibilities of
the universe they
stifle themselves. Even if there is no God, the belief
in a power higher
than ourselves raises our expectations of what we, as
people should be
about. If pure self-gratification is our only motive
for living than when
ever we stumble what reason is there for going on?
Religion of all forms
dictate that we be kind to others, have compassion,
respect the rights of
all people, work towards the betterment of our souls
and being. Religion
creates the foundation for the best qualities of man to
shine. The concept
that no power greater than ourselves exists, is
inherently flawed. A scientist
will find undiscovered scientific events everyday. Yet
until he found them-the
concept was poppycock.
God in any form is the same way. Until you find him-its
poppycock.
So look for him. Find the peace and love and
contentment that comes
from the inner secret knowledge that Yes God does love
me.
Be true to yourself: There is nothing more madding in
living than to do things
that you don’t want to do. Do not allow yourself to be
surrounded by people
you don’t like or can’t get along with. Obviously we
all at one time or another
must tolerate something we hate. But a steady diet of
this type of self-abuse
can be a disaster for our self-esteem. If you don’t
like something or someone
and the circumstance isn’t critical----Then LEAVE !
If you are hurt, angry, or depressed: Write someone a
letter. Tell them why you
are angry or hurt. Get mad, be obnoxious. Scream your
anger and hurt using all
the words you know. If you don’t like them-tell them
so. If they’ve done
something to hurt you tell them how you will get
even.
Then—DO NOT MAIL THE LETTER. The simple act of putting
your anger
and resentment down in concrete writing will make you
feel better.
Talk to a friend: If you don’t have one-GET ONE! The
good thing about
friends is that we can usually tell them things we
would never tell anyone
else, so long as the subject isn’t about them. Whenever
I have a crisis or
bad situation, monetary or personal I always go to a
personal friend
I can trust and discuss it with them. I don’t always
listen to their advice
or follow the course of action they would. But the
simple act of talking
the problem over makes me feel better, consider
alternative solutions
I might not have thought of, and calms me down. Of
course if you wish to
keep your friend you will have to reciprocate-so choose
them well.
In the end:
Trying to be happy and live a successful life, not just
monetarily but spiritually,
emotionally, and physically is a challenge. But it is a
challenge of the most
extraordinary kind.It is ordained the moment we are
born; life is a gift, a gift
that shouldn’t be discarded like an old pair of
shoes.It should be treasured and
respected. If it gets you down find ways to perk
yourself back up.
If it kicks you in the groin-scream I’m not going to
take that.
And then find help, Please.
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